Mexican trip...

Once again I am amazed at the speed of time.  How is it possible that something I was looking so forward to is now already in the past?  It felt like I was there forever, but now as I sit back at home, it feels like just a moment in time!
Here is the story of my month...

On June 28th I met up with about eleven interns in Monterrey, Mexico.  Monterrey is the capital of the Mexican state of Nuevo Leon and has a population of 4 million people.  It is one of the most developed and richest cities in Mexico, but with a great disparity between the wealthy and the impoverished.
Back2Back Ministries has been working in this city for the past 15 years.  During that time they have sought out children's homes (casa hogars) in and around Monterrey.  They have sought to meet the physical and educational needs of the children living in these homes.  In the recent years they have created a child development model to direct their work.  This model seeks to meet the physical and educational needs, but also the spiritual, emotional, and social growth of the child.  The hope is that these children are equipped and supported to change their family lines.  This a HUGE obstacle to surmount and these kids need every bit of help they can receive!  The primary purpose of my role at Back2Back this summer was to support the staff living and working there full-time.  This ranged from hauling waters and coolers of ice, to preparing meals, to working with kids.
My day would start at 6:30 with a shower and a cup of coffee.  The sunrise was beautiful each morning and I used this time to be still and spend some time with Jesus each morning.  At 8am we would have a meeting with our staff member of the day and find out what the plan was and receive directions.  After that we had some down time until 10am when we would depart the campus with a group of Americans.  We would head to either a children's home or to a squatter's village. (Squatter's villages were neighborhoods where residents created homes out of whatever they could find, some were cardboard and paper, others were cinder-blocks- none of these homes had plumbing, air conditioning, but a few were able to get electricity).  Depending on the length of Back2Back's relationship with the homes or villages determined the amount of physical labor we completed each day.  For places where Back2Back has worked for a while, the physical needs were less and groups focused on spiritual, social, emotional needs of the children through Play with a Purpose.  This was a Bible study and activity as well as games designed to promote growth and positive interactions.  During our day we would break for lunch with the homes (usually eating some kind of chicken, rice, beans, and tortillas).  Once a week the groups were taken out to eat at Pollo Loco (Crazy Chicken).  This was a massive meal of chicken, chips, and tortillas and is quite the anticipated event of the week for group members.  We arrived back on campus each evening by 6:30pm.  For groups who did not go to Pollo Loco they ate some some delicious home-cooked Mexican fare prepared by the wonderful staff member, Vida.  Each evening we would gather for a worship service before the groups broke up and talked about their day.  On Fridays when groups would leave we would head out for different activities.  The first week we hiked up to a waterfall and then ate dinner at a local stand... guess what we had- Chicken, beans, rice, and tortillas!  :)  It was beautiful.  The second week we went on a crazy hike called Matacanes.  We got up at 4am and bused up to the top of a mountain where we hiked to a river then repelled, jumped off cliffs, and clambered over rocks for the next 8 hours.  For dinner that night we had another round of chicken, beans, rice, and tortillas at a roadside stand.  The third week we got a break and went to a very nice movie theater and watched Spiderman (it was in English with Spanish subtitles).  The last week we went bowling and then to a Mexican restaurant for some more food... I got a baked potato with lots of cheese and crema.

My favorite part of the trip was connecting with others who are passionate and working in the field of orphan care.  It did wonders to fan the flame of love I have for this field and these kids.  It reminded me of why I do this. Even though the month wore me out physically, it filled my soul up.  It also opened my eyes to how much I enjoy working at Boys and Girls Country.  Every ministry has it's weaknesses and it is easy to lose sight of the positives of such a place when you are focused on its failings. I am thankful for that lesson!

What is the point of going to another country and serving for a week or month, if it does not somehow change my life when I return home?  So many times I see others return from short-term trips in which they served, only to check it off their list as if it is something we only do for a week or month out of the year.  I do not want that to be me.  I want my life changed as a result of spending time in Mexico.  But what does that look like?  What are my goals for the next weeks, months, years?

1. I often complained that we were not doing enough to meet the spiritual growth of our kids.  In all honesty, that is where transformation is going to come from, GOD has the power to transform lives... it's his business- yet it is often overlooked in this field.  I want to really develop that in my life and in the lives of the children I work with. I want to bring them to the foot of the cross, over and over again!  That is my biggest goal of the next months.
2. I want to develop deeper relationships with those serving in Mexico.  I want to explore the possibility of serving there sometime in the future.
3. When I was in college I dreamed of opening a children's home.  Over the past four years that has dimmed considerably in the face of daily trials of working in care.  While I was in Mexico and meeting individuals who opened children's homes that dream grew a little brighter.  One day I want to be used by God to open a children's home.  I don't know where, I don't know when, but someday!   The next step towards that is getting my master's and that process starts in less than 20 days when I start school at Liberty online for my Master's in Human Services.  I am nervous and excited about that phase of life, but God is good and faithful to those he has called.

well... that is it for now.  Thanks for reading... it was quite a long post this time.  Please hold me accountable to these goals, ask me about them, and pray over them and me.
much love,
me

my lover

It has been too long since I've been on here!  So here's a recap of the last couple months.

God is in the business of redemption.

And He is redeeming things in my life!  It is a beautiful thing to see and even more amazing to experience!


This past week I was able to attend a conference in Los Angeles.  Summit of the Orphan .  It was a great trip overall.  I was able to stay at a dear friend's house and be poured into by her and her roommates on top of spending two days with people who are also called to care for the orphan child.  It was fantastic to soak up conversation and encouragement from them.  

But that is another story for another day. I want to share the story of my last evening there.

Usually when you think of California you think of sunshine and clear blue skies.  Which was true of San Francisco when I flew there, but when I landed in LA... it was cloudy and cold! And was like that for the next two days.  So when the last day rolled around, I drove to the conference praying for a clear afternoon so I could go see the sunset over the Pacific.   About lunch time the sun came out and it quickly warmed up to a beautiful 70 something degree afternoon.  So I ducked out of the conference early to find a beach.

God is intimately aware of me.  And loves me so much.

And I really think that He gives me beautiful sunsets because He knows how much I enjoy them.

God is the lover of my soul.  

I cannot begin to tell you how much that meant to me.  And describe the flood of love into my heart.  I felt like singing to the world of His love!  What an amazing God we serve! 

Dear Friends,

                I pray this letter finds you well!  It is hard to believe another year has passed and it is now 2012.  I used to laugh when my dad told me that the years speed up as you age, but now I completely believe it.  On the 7^th of January I will celebrate my fourth year as a Teaching Parent at Boys and Girls Country.  Somehow God has brought me through some tough times as I learn and grow in the understanding of His call to love on orphans.  He promises throughout the Bible to love, help, protect, and provide for the orphan child and He fulfills this promise through the body of believers.  Do you know that there are 148 million orphans worldwide?  While that number is overwhelming, we serve a Mighty and Powerful God who holds the world in His hands. 

                Last July I was able to serve with a ministry in Mexico, Back2Back Ministries (www.back2backministries.org).  This group works with local orphanages to meet the physical, emotional, spiritual, and monetary needs of over 400 children.  They also partner with local pastors in 3 squatters’ villages around Monterrey, Mexico to support their ministry to over 1000 families facing poverty.  Additionally they provide opportunities to those orphans to live with them and attend high school and college. It is the chance to change their family line!  It is my hope and plan to return to Mexico with Back2 Back to serve for a month this summer.  While there I will help organize missions’ teams and lead projects in the orphanages.  I will serve alongside the full-time missionaries to be God’s hands and feet in the lives of the orphans.  While I am excited about this opportunity I am also slightly overwhelmed at the task. My commitment to Back2Back cannot be done alone.  As I continue to rely on God for His plan, vision, and provision for this ministry and my involvement I am asking you to join alongside me. The trip costs approximately $1200.  This includes the flight to Monterrey, Mexico and the cost of room and board.  The due date for this amount is March 5^th.  I know that God will provide.  I have seen it over and over again in my life and in the lives of the kids I work with; however, my heart still beats a little faster at this new opportunity. 

Please lift me up in prayer.  Pray that God would provide yet again for this trip.  Pray that he would continue to pour out his love and provision on the lives of these orphans.  Pray about a partnership with me.  Checks can be mailed to me and I will forward them on to Back2Back. 

Heidi Coberly

18806 Roberts Road

Hockley, TX 77447

All donations should be made out to Back2Back Ministries and are tax-deductible.  Contributions are solicited with the understanding that Back2Back Ministries has complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds. 

I saw a train today.
The first since David's death last week.
 It hit me deeper than I thought it would.
I couldn't help but picture him laying there.
 It broke my heart again.

December seventh of this year my stepbrother decided that life was too much to bear.  He said his goodbyes and laid across the railroad tracks near his apartment.  Shortly after a train came and David's life was over.

When my sister called I did not believe her.
  Part of me still believes that he is just off doing something else and I'll see him the next time I go home.
Denial is such a comfortable place to be.
 And it is easy when you are a thousand miles away from home.
But realization slowly hits.  And with it comes the grief for a life lost.

Cardinals are rare in Texas.  They are beautiful  and I love spying their bright red in the trees.
Yesterday I saw one laying on the road.
It had been hit by a car and died.
And I immediately thought of David.

One of the kids I know on Facebook posted about running in front of a moving train.
 And I thought of David in front of the train.  

I am glad that God understands the pain of my heart.  He knows the groans that words cannot express.  He knows the pain and feels it.  And he turns those groans and that pain into something beautiful.  I am clinging to that.

                                     David Fraccalvieri
                                                     

A belated Thanksgiving Day list...

What am I thankful for? 

Grace

Sunsets and Sunrises (and kids that make me get up before the sunrise so I can see it!)

My family ( that seems so generic so let me elaborate)

     my sister who is my best friend and an amazing woman! 

     my dad who raised me to be the person I am.

    my nana who became my mom in the past several years

   my grandparents who lived such a legacy

    my mom who laid a great foundation. 

Coffee! 

Friends who encourage, love, challenge, and strengthen me. and who love in spite of myself some days

Journals with empty pages that tell me to keep talking. 

A God who pursues me, provides more than I could need or want, protects me from Satan... and sometimes         from myself,  who loves deeply, unconditionally, unreasonably, entirely, and completely and who knows just how to speak into my heart and woe me over and over, and who NEVER gives up! 

A job I love with kids I enjoy

A coffeeshop chair in which I am sitting currently 

   and a door from my room that opens to a wide open field and some beautiful trees

A car that runs

Pandora that plays just what I wanted to hear!

Physical health! 

My list could go on for pages and pages, but those were my thoughts this year.  

I have never been one to make New Year's Resolutions.  One year I tried, but was disappointed when I dropped the ball around March... That was the end of resolutions for me.  Now, I pick a word that I want to focus on.  A word that comes up throughout the year as I grow in that area.  It started about four years ago when I moved to Texas.  Fresh out of college and the world awaited me.  Back when I had all the answers and knew how I was going to save the world.  Back when I thought I knew.

2008- It was this year that I realized that I was not the end-all, be-all.  This year I cried a LOT.  I realized that I wasn't the solution to the hurt and pain my kids faced.  In fact, I couldn't do much of anything except love on them and point them to Jesus.  This year was a difficult year for me.  One that was all about SURVIVAL.  That was my word for the year.  I could not do much other than figure out how to put my feet on the ground in the morning and withstand the onslaught of Satan's attacks.

2009- This year I began to grow in the work.  I figured out how to make the schedule work, to get as much done in as little time as possible.  I began to GROW as a Teaching Parent, GROW in my relationships with my kids, and GROW in life in general.  This was not easy, but each step was worth it.

2010- I realized that the little things were slipping away.  It was easy to focus on getting my checklist done instead of building relationships with my kids.  This year was about learning to be INTENTIONAL.  This is also a focus that needs to be every year.  I struggled a lot at this throughout the year and it will eventually make it back onto my list of focus areas.  But I strove to make the most of those little moments with my kids.  I planned for activities to teach them more.  Planned occasions to show them how special they were.  This is the year I really began to teach them to cook and made them learn it.  I also took them to coffee in the mornings and wrote notes to them.

2011- This year has been really difficult for me.  The end of last year, one of my very close friends moved back to Mexico, then I had a falling out with a good friend on campus, and to top it off there was several staff changes in both my houses.  It rocked my world.  And I've struggled all year to gain PERSPECTIVE.  It has been an ongoing battle to realize that this little world that I am in right now is not the end all.  That this part of my journey is just difficult, but will not last forever.  It has been a struggle to step outside of the daily battle and see the big picture.


2012-  This is the time of year now that I begin thinking and praying about next year.  What word will describe it?  What area do I want to grow the most in?  Contentment?  Endurance? Perseverance?  

Lord, I give this next year to you.  Change me.  Transform me.  Make me less and you more! Guide my feet.  Prepare my steps.  Show me your plan.  Lead me where you want me to be.

You might be a teaching parent if...

Please imagine your best Jeff Foxworthy voice as you read these…

1. If every time you get in a vehicle, you do a head count to make sure no one is left behind… (even when not working)

…You might be a Teaching Parent

2. If you can name at least 5 psychotropic medications off the top of your head in under 10 seconds…

…AND

3. If while naming the psychotropic meds, you smack your forehead trying to remember what the large gray one with blue lettering is… (It is Depakote, by the way.)                     …You might be a Teaching Parent

4. If you are off duty, and your cell phone/PDA/internal anxiety alarms all go off reminding you it is time to give out meds…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

5. If you know more hiding places in the house then most of your kids combined…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

6. If the alarms in your house are used less to keep people OUT then to keep the kids IN…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

7. If grocery day is reminiscent of a UN food shipment to a small third-world country…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

8. If the most common conversation in your house starts out, “When you follow instructions, you look at the person…”

…You might be a Teaching Parent

9. If you spend more time teaching “Stop, Look, and Listen” as opposed to “Stop, Drop, and Roll…”

…You might be a Teaching Parent

10. If you are a couple with kids, and your kids get excited when it is time to go off duty…

… You might be a Teaching Parent

11. If you use the word “Consequence” as a verb, despite the poor usage of syntax…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

12. When you are standing around with a group of your peers, if a boy walks up and says “Mister…” and all of you look to see who he is talking to…

…You might be a Teaching Parent(Since we rarely are standing with anyone OTHER than other Teaching Parents.)

13. If you begin to wonder if a kid is trying to send a message through Morse code after the 6^th time of the door being slammed…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

14. If you consider coffee and other caffeinated sodas a food group… (Especially around day 7-8.)

…You might be a Teaching Parent

15. If you believe that ALL brass instruments are some kind of sick joke by the Public School System…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

16. If you consider Summer Vacation a combat tour…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

17. If dinner starts to be prepared right as the kids get on the bus to go to school, and your preparations are for 8-12 people at a time…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

18. If you are out to eat on your days off and you see a van in the parking lot, and then wonder what cottage was brave enough to bring their kids out to eat in public…  …You might be a Teaching Parent

19. If you hope you don’t run into them(at the restaurant) until you are at least on your way out…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

20. If when driving around town, you wave to every other van, similar to the way bikers wave to each other…

...AND

21. THEY wave BACK…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

22. If you keep a note pad by your bed to write down new effective and innovative consequences and rewards as they come to you in your dreams…

…You might be a Teaching Parent

23. If When are out in public, you always see someone who looks like they could be a little brother or sister to “so & so…”

…AND…

      24. …you start to think of stories that “so & so” did that make you laugh, but did not make you laugh at the time.

                                    …You might be a Teaching Parent

      25. If you are amazed that God has trusted YOU of all people, with so much…     (Seriously)               .... You might be a Teaching Parent

-list compiled by Micheal Clements

Wildfire

Texas is in the midst of the worst drought in about 60 years!  Other than the blazing hot temperatures this summer we've been relatively unaffected... until this week.  A fire broke out about 30 miles north of where I live and work.  Smoke billowed out over our campus and we were told to implement the first stage of our evacuation plan. Everyone packed a bag of their most valuable possessions and clothes and the vehicles were readied for a speedy exit. This caused quite a stir of emotions as the kids had to pick and chose their most precious belongings.  And the prayers went up.  God covered our campus with his protection.  Right down the road we watched smoke billowing up from the fire.  Officials evacuated the houses down the road from us.  And we prayed again and again. We went to bed fully expecting to get a phone call in the middle of the night telling us to leave.  It didn't come.  In fact, the next morning when we got up, the smoke was significantly less on our campus.  We spent a couple more days on official notice, but never had to evacuate. God is good!  And as devastating as the fires are, it is a reassurance that he DOES have his hand all over this campus.  These are HIS kids and he will watch over them and protect them!

trees...

      I am drawn to trees.  There is something about a tree that is safe, nurturing, strong, wise, and dependable.  Especially those big trees that have been around for hundreds of years.  They have endured so much, from storms to droughts, from spring times to families of animals making homes in their branches.  Those trees have changed with their environment, they have survived the odds.  And there is something beautiful about that.
       So much of my artwork is centered around trees.  And I often imagine my  life is like that of a tree.  I long to be mature, dependable, centered, strong, overcoming the obstacles of this life, and flourishing.  But that road is not easy, nor is it quick.  It is one that is full of storms, full of losses, and times of drought.  Sometimes I wish I could press the speed button and make it hurry through the painful times, but then the growth would not be as substantial.  So I wait through the painful times.  I wait through the droughts, and the seasons of plenty.  I wait and trust that God is pruning what needs to be pruned, that he is watering when I need it, and he is withholding the rain when it is right.
 in the mean time... I dream of trees.

Broken promises, broken hearts

I've learned something along this journey in orphan care.

Everyone has family.

even orphans.

Seems like common sense, but I always thought orphans are like Annie- kids who had parents, but has never known them.  But everyone has some family.
(I learned this quite a while ago, but am reminded of it every day).

Traveling to Mexico reminded me that my kids are orphans too.  See, these kids have families.  Each one of them has a mom, or dad, or grandparent, or some relative along the way.  But for various reasons they still end up at a children's home.  Sometimes they are able to eventually go home, sometimes they stay here until they move out on their own.  But each one has heartbreaks along the way.

In the past two days I've been on the forefront of those tears and it tears my heart open for them.

The first is Thelma (name changed).  She arrived a couple of months before I did, but I've known her longer and worked with her longer than anyone else.  Thelma has endured so much and was passed around to a couple of different relatives before ending up at this children's home.  Last year her mom relapsed into alcohol addiction, right as Thelma was planning to go home.  Things got progressively worse until a several weeks ago the mom was put in rehab by the state.  Thelma has not spoken to her since.  Mom has not called.  Stepdad has not called. No one has called to tell Thelma how her mom is.  In a couple of weeks Thelma will turn 18.  She has two more years of school before she graduates.  I pray that she will stick it out here and make it.  Last night she sat in my office crying because she was so worried about her mom and no one would answer her calls.

The second is Sue (name changed).  Sue came a little over two years.  She was expecting to go home this summer, but was told no by her family.  See, dad and mom don't want her and Grandma can't take care of her.  Sue seeks her father's affection every chance she gets.  She usually returns home from her family visits in tears because her dad doesn't want anything to do with her- but she always hopes.  Today she got a call from her Grandma.  Sue's dad was arrested for drug possession... again... two weeks before Sue's birthday... a week before family visit... and he had promised to be there this year... again. Another letdown.  Another broken promise and broken heart.

I don't have words for these two precious girls. All I could do is hug them through the tears and pray for them.  I don't understand how this happens.  How can families not want their children?  It reminds me yet again why I am here.  God gave me a heart for them.  I'm not sure why, but he has.  It is so easy to get lost in the paperwork, licensing, mundane parts of this job that I forget the ministry side of it.  I am His hands and feet to these kids.  Life is not easy here.  There is so much pain and heartache. I wonder sometimes if I am making a difference, but it is like farming- the work is hard, long, painful, but eventually God makes it grow and fruit develops.

Lord, these kids are yours.  You know their hearts tonight.  You know their aches and tears. You. save those tears. Tonight as they sleep, wrap them up in your arms. Surround their beds with angels tonight.  Put their hearts at peace.  Show them a little bit of your plan for them.  Give them hope.  Whisper of your love to them.   Provide for them, and heal their broken hearts.  Pursue them.  Bind Satan from attacking them.  Lord- these are your kids and you promise to protect them.  Lord, they need you.

God's Promise is as true today as it was the day he said it!

God's promises to the orphan child:

I promise to defend you. Psalm 82:3
I promise to rescue you. Psalm 82:4
I promise to deliver you. Psalm 82:4
I promise to come to you. John 14:8
I promise to hear you.  Isaiah 37:17, Exodus 22:22-23
I promise never to leave you. Jeremiah 49:11, Psalm 27:10
I promise to lift you up. Psalm 113:7
I promise to lead you out. John 10:3
I promise to be your Father.  Psalm 6:5:8
I promise to give you a home. Psalm 68:6
I promise never to forget you.  Isaiah 49:15
I promise to execute mercy toward you. Hosea 14:3, Isaiah 63:9, Romans 9:15
I promise to execute true justice on your behalf.  Psalm 140:12
I promise to provide food and clothing to you.  Dueteronomy 10:18, 14:29
I promise to help you.  Psalm 10:14
I promise to maintain your cause.  Psalm 82:3


Lord, 
I'm struggling to trust you to provide this for the kids I work with.  You have shown yourself faithful every day, but still I doubt.  Lord, overcome my doubt.  Bring the couple you have for these kids into their lives.  Show yourself faithful again.  You are mighty and you can see the big picture and you see every stage and every purpose.  Father, YOU HAVE A PLAN!  Lord, you are so much bigger than I.  It is YOU that take care of these kids.  Show up again. Provide for them.  Lord, follow through with your promises for them.  Be their father, be their provider, their helper, their protector.  Satan is attacking.  He is vicious and seeks to devour these young and vulnerable kids. Lord I claim those promises on their behalf.  You have made this commitment to them- so fulfill it!  Surround this house with your angels.  Protect them.  Tonight as they sleep whisper your promises into their hearts.  There is so much damage and hurt in their lives, they have walls built up trying to protect themselves from more pain.  Lord, restore them.  Make them into the men and women you created them to be!  Father, use me however you can.  Let me be the hands and feet to your promise to them. 

It's the little things...

It's the little things that make me happy....

It's the cup of coffee in the morning before everyone gets up. 

It's getting up to see the sunrise with a friend.

It's the history with friends.

It's finding a new giraffe in the mall. 

And splurging on a piece of dark chocolate...

Happiness is seeing the baby cows at the dairy farm down the road.

and daisies in my bathroom.

It's the Texas sunset, 

and the Flea Market find

Happiness is seeing the value in small things.  It's taking the time to enjoy the little moments of life, for those little moments will add up to the days, months, and years of life!  

The Flipside

  This previous week was beyond what I can describe.  In comparison it was an oasis in the desert, it was a drink of water on a hot day, it was like discovering a little piece of heaven on earth.  There were definitely times that were not fun about it, but I discovered something while I was there.  This will probably be a long post and I will go in layers- from what we did, to what I saw, to how God shifted my life a little bit.

Monterrey is surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges. 

First- What was Mexico like?
Honestly, it was a lot like here, they had Chili's, and Walmart, Sam's, and my favorite grocery store- H.E.B (it stands for Here Everything is Better... and it is.) The people are friendly and open- even if you can't speak a whole lot of Spanish.  It was hot during the day, but cooled off a bit at night.  Buildings are usually made out of concrete blocks and sealed to keep coolness in.  Very Few places actually have air conditioning, so we sweated a LOT!  BUT it is also a third world country. There is a big difference between the haves and the have nots.  There is a huge sex trade traffic running in and out of Mexico. The poor live in what they call squaters' villages.  Their homes are made out of whatever they can find, from concrete blocks (for a nice house) to cardboard. These villages are all over the outskirts of the city.  They are the marginalized members of society and where the forefront of the care for orphans lie.

Second- What was Back2Back like?

This was the girls bedroom at one of the homes. 

This ministry was refreshing to my soul.  There is a a community of believers who live on a compound just outside the city of Monterrey.  They have identified childrens' homes throughout the city and the surrounding area who are already DOING the work of orphan care.  Rather than coming in and starting their own home, they have worked to support those who are already doing it.  They do building projects throughout the summer and during the year to provide playgrounds, bathrooms, storage rooms, libraries, computer rooms, and anything that children's home needs. That was the first avenue of their ministry 13 years ago.  They about 8 or 9 years ago they began to grow again- see in Mexico public education ends at 8th grade.  After that the kids are put out on the streets and required to fend for themselves.  To break this cycle and change family lines Back2Back opened a home on their compound to offer a high school and college education to the children in the homes they work.  For those who work in the field know that this is practically unheard of in the orphan care world, it is expensive and requires huge risk on an investment standpoint, BUT it changes lives.  Back2Back believes wholeheartedly in going a mile deep, not a mile wide.  They are growing, but going deeper into the communities they serve.  After that college program was established and running, Back2Back grew again, this time to work in the squaters' villages.  See, those villages are where the orphans come from.  That is also where the majority of girls who are sold into the sex trade originate.  To make another change in family lines, Back2Back knew they needed to start at the forefront of the issue, with the family.  So they located three villages around Monterrey where they could partner with a local pastor to empower him to do the ministry God already called him to.  This allows him to be the front-runner in the community and with the support of Back2Back he is able to provide meals for the members of the community, he is able to build his church and work in the community to minister to those families.

Thirdly- What did I do?

This was our Ragamuffin team! 

That is a great question- A friend of mine, Katie, and I were able to fly down the day before we were supposed to meet up with the ministry.  We took a cab into downtown and stayed at a hotel in the city.  During the afternoon we were able to walk around, see some museums, see some of the city and eat some delicious mexican food. The next day we arrived to the airport and met up with the rest of our team.  See, we were put into the ragamuffin team of small pairs and a small group from all across the country.  Throughout the week we drew closer together as we served together.  So the first day was really spent just settling into the site and meeting people.  The next three days after that we spent at different childrens' homes working on construction projects they had assigned for our group.  We did yard work, a lot of cleaning, organizing storage rooms, painting, and building.  I learned how to make concrete by hand on the sidewalk, and machete  weeds to clear a path.  The picture that stuck out to me the most was picking up broken tile from the garbage area at one of the children's homes.  See, they wanted to clear the way for a concrete pad to put the garbage cans on- one that could be cleaned easily and would look neater than the heap they had.  In order to do that, these broken pieces of tile had to be cleared out.  As I worked under the hot sun I kept thinking that that job was a lot like ministry- it is working in the midst of the world's garbage, picking up the pieces that no one wants to pave way for something better- it is tiresome, stinky, but needed and valuable.  Eventually we finished all those tasks and were able to do some projects with the kids.  In the squaters' village we were able to provide a meal to the community.  (I got the job of cooking the 300 hotdogs for everyone. I wish I had taken a picture of this grill I used.  It was on the roof of the church and the base was made out of the concrete blocks with a piece of metal roofing.  On top of that the fire was built and then using some more concrete blocks a rack was put over the fire.  In 100 degree heat I spent a couple of hours cooking hot dogs for the women and children in the village.  The last full day we were in Mexico we took some kids from two of the homes and went to Plaza Sesamo- a Seaseme Street Waterpark. We were paired up with a kid and spent the day learning about them and playing.  It was a lot of fun!

Fourthly- How did God shift me?
Do you ever get this sense that something is not quite right- like there is something more that you are missing, but you don't know quite what it is?  That has been me the past several months, probably the past year or so. I keep getting this whiff of something else and I can't quite ever figure out what it is that I am missing.  That desire has been steadily growing in my heart until I had to act on it- I had to seek that something. Here's what I knew for certain-

Betty, the girl I got to spend the day with!

1. God has given me a heart for the orphan child.
2. He is constantly preparing me for the next step- He is slow and patient with me moving me from one thing to the next, each step preparing me for the one after that.  I love taking the time to look back and see how God has worked and brought me to where I am today.  He has a PLAN!

So knowing those two things I began seeking- and that led to this trip.  I went to Mexico to learn about the ministry, and hopefully to connect to the staff there.  Sure enough, that is exactly what happened.  I fell in love with the ministry.  What they are doing is exactly my heart.  And throughout the week word spread that Katie and I were from a children's home in the states.  Houseparents came up to us to talk.  We were able to go to breakfast with some of the supervisors of their college program and talk about our work.  It was a great connection.  And paved the way for the next step.
As I am back at home, I am encouraged to continue working with my kids now, to pray for them, to love on them, and to walk life with them, but I am also seeking the next step.  The connection with this home in Mexico was strong- I am hoping to get back down there later on this year.  The staff we had breakfast with that morning is looking to come visit Boys and Girls Country as well.  I am also praying about going down there for a month next summer as an intern.  It would provide a closer look at the ministry and further a relationship with that organization.
In some ways it seems as though these are big changes all at once.  But in reality they are the fruit of months of prayer and the work of God in my heart.  Please be praying for me as I continue to grow and change over the course of this journey.

Sunrise on the mountain range.  Each morning I got up early and had coffee while watching this amazing sunrise!

Mexico bound...

A couple of months ago I began searching for a place to serve.  My heart is definitely created to love orphans and care for them.  That is what brought me to Texas to Boys and Girls Country.  And now after three years I am ready for a global perspective.  My world has become the fence line at the edge of our property and I long to see the world beyond the gates.  To see God working in the rest of the world.  So, in searching I came across a ministry in Mexico.  They work with local orphanages to meet their physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial needs to keep the homes running.  They are the hands and feet of God in their community.  On Friday morning, I will board a plane to head to Monterrey, Mexico and for the following week I will serve however they need.  If it is cleaning toilets, that is what I will do, if it is playing soccer with the kids, that is what I will do. My hope in all this is to get to know the ministry.  To meet those working there, to possibly build relationships with them and go back again and ultimately, see God outside of my little world.      

Crashing waves

Some days it feels like I am standing on the beach getting hit by wave after wave.  This work is hard. The kids are hard, their pain is hard, the schedule is hard, the relationships are hard, this ministry is hard.  And once again, a wave hits.  Another couple I work with is moving on.  It is for the best, it really is. BUT it is hard. I am left picking up the pieces of my kids.  And it breaks my heart.  So in the course of the past six months the entire staff in one house has completely changed- TWICE, and now the second house I work in will have a new couple coming in.  The kids always ask the same question- "Are you leaving too, Miss Heidi?"  And my response is the same, "one day, but not today."  I dread the I too move on.  And with each person coming and going in their lives it makes me dig my heels in and stick it out another day.  

But, you know, in the midst of it all I am more sure than ever that I want to do this work.  It is hard, it is painful, frustrating, and makes me want to run away some days, but these kids need someone to be fighting for them. They need someone loving them.  And I am not the end, but I am the arms and feet of God who is loving them through me.  Most days, it isn't me that is loving them (honestly, some days I don't even really like them!) BUT He does.  And he knows exactly who they need and what they need.  

Lord, these children are yours.  Take care of them.  

His calling

When God called Abraham He said, “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.” (Genesis 12:1).  When He tested Abraham, He simply told Abraham to “Take your son, your only son… and sacrifice him there…” (Genesis 22:2).  When He freed the Isrealites from Egypt He said, “I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.” (Genesis 6:6) When He called Joshua to lead the Isrealites into the land of Canaan He said, “Get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them- to the Israelites.” (Joshua 1:2)  When God called Mary to mother Jesus He said, “You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.” (Luke 1:31) When Jesus called His disciples, he simply said, “Follow me.” (Luke 5:10, 5:27)   

God never tells of HOW He is going to do something when He first calls individuals.  Rather, He simply commands us to follow His instructions.  He calls us to trust Him to provide the manna along the way, to open the seas, to give the sacrificial lamb.  So why is it that when things appear like they aren’t going to work out, I begin questioning His calling?  How many times have I prayed to be put in a place where I have to trust God to provide? But when I get into those times I waver and complain that He is not providing.  So many times this past couple of weeks I have stood at the edge of what I know and distrusted stepping out in faith that God will provide.  It is an ongoing lesson that I must learn.

 Lord, over and over and over again you show yourself faithful to provide.  You don’t show the whole path at once, but instead just ask for the next step.  It is so difficult to trust that you have everything taken care of, but you do!  You know where this trip to Mexico will lead, you know my next step and you are providing. This is such a little thing, this money to pay for this trip, and I was willing to step out even when it appeared like things wouldn’t fall into place.  You brought the call of Abraham to mind- “Leave and go to the land I will show you”.  Lord, I feel that call.  I don’t know where or how I will get there, but I trust you.  Show me… one step at a time!

Trust

What does this mean?  What does it look like?  How do I live it out?

Webster defines trust as: 

1   a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b : one in which confidence is placed

2

a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

                                                    (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust)

Trust means resting in the knowledge that God will meet all my needs.  It means not worrying, not being consumed by the thought that he will not provide.  It means going where he says.  But what if he calls you to go somewhere where it doesn’t APPEAR like he will take care of you?  What if all the signs say that he is not in the midst?  What if you go where he calls and it seems that he is not part of it?  What if the money does not come in? What if you have to lay your desires and whole life on the altar?  What if he waits until the last minute to show up?  Did I not want to be in that place?  The place that God has to show up?  How many times have I prayed for that?  But it is one thing to think you want it, to say you want to trust God completely, it is something else to DO it- to rely on him. 

Lord, overcome my unbelief.  I want to trust you.  I really do, but it is hard.  What if the money does not come in?  What if the refrigerator is empty?  What if you don’t show up? I keep thinking of the stories in the Old Testament, of when you told Abraham to put Isaac on the altar. Lord, it wasn't until the last possible minute that you showed up. Isaac was on the altar, knife in the air, and then you provided the lamb. Wow.  Lord, I know you can do all things- that you have a plan when I can’t see it, that you will provide when I don’t feel it.  I am afraid, Lord.  I struggle to trust you.  My faith is so small.  Lord, be bigger than my weakness.  Show your strength in spite of me.  

The Lighthouse

A lighthouse is a fortress built to withstand intense wind, waves and other forces of nature. It is a strong tower with a powerful light designed to guide lost sailors away from danger and to safe harbor.  It represents hope, safety, help, and shelter.  Lighthouse keepers are a different breed; they are strong, relentless, servants.  They put themselves in harm’s way to save others.

I am a lighthouse keeper. I withstand the storms of anger and share a light that guides others to safe harbor. I must be relentless when it comes to serving my kids.  It often feels like I am withstanding hurricanes of attack and this week was no exception.  This week a coworker of mine told our kids that he was leaving to take another job.  Tears started rolling down some cheeks. I knew it was going to be a long month as the kids dealt with this loss.   One of the kids asked if he could call me “mom”.  Another started crying when I went in to pray with him that night and asked me why everyone was leaving him.  And another called me all sorts of names and told me to just go ahead and leave since everyone else was.  He wasn’t ever able to open up and say that he was afraid I would leave; instead, he wanted to make me leave by being a jerk.  These boys I work with- most of them are new, it is their first houseparent to leave.  They don’t know how to react- so their pain reveals itself in angry storms of emotions.

So I stand firm. I withstand the battering of name-calling. I offer hugs and tissues to the tears that flow. I continue to shine the light towards the safety of the ROCK. I point the kids to the one who will never leave or forsake them. And I continue to hold fast to my own fortress.  I will seek my Strong Tower, for He provides the strength to get up another day.   

Lord, these days are tough.   But You have a plan.  Father, show yourself true. Guide these precious children to your safe harbor.  Be my strong tower as I try to do what you called me to do.  Shine brightly through me.  Open the doors for conversations about you.  Open the hearts of these kids to see you.  Please be my strength for the attacks of anger.  Overflow my heart with your grace and love for these kids. Give me the resilience to get up another day and serve you. Thank you, Lord, for setting me apart for this job.  Lord, you are precious. I love you!