Crashing waves

Some days it feels like I am standing on the beach getting hit by wave after wave.  This work is hard. The kids are hard, their pain is hard, the schedule is hard, the relationships are hard, this ministry is hard.  And once again, a wave hits.  Another couple I work with is moving on.  It is for the best, it really is. BUT it is hard. I am left picking up the pieces of my kids.  And it breaks my heart.  So in the course of the past six months the entire staff in one house has completely changed- TWICE, and now the second house I work in will have a new couple coming in.  The kids always ask the same question- "Are you leaving too, Miss Heidi?"  And my response is the same, "one day, but not today."  I dread the I too move on.  And with each person coming and going in their lives it makes me dig my heels in and stick it out another day.  

But, you know, in the midst of it all I am more sure than ever that I want to do this work.  It is hard, it is painful, frustrating, and makes me want to run away some days, but these kids need someone to be fighting for them. They need someone loving them.  And I am not the end, but I am the arms and feet of God who is loving them through me.  Most days, it isn't me that is loving them (honestly, some days I don't even really like them!) BUT He does.  And he knows exactly who they need and what they need.  

Lord, these children are yours.  Take care of them.  

His calling

When God called Abraham He said, “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.” (Genesis 12:1).  When He tested Abraham, He simply told Abraham to “Take your son, your only son… and sacrifice him there…” (Genesis 22:2).  When He freed the Isrealites from Egypt He said, “I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.” (Genesis 6:6) When He called Joshua to lead the Isrealites into the land of Canaan He said, “Get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them- to the Israelites.” (Joshua 1:2)  When God called Mary to mother Jesus He said, “You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.” (Luke 1:31) When Jesus called His disciples, he simply said, “Follow me.” (Luke 5:10, 5:27)   

God never tells of HOW He is going to do something when He first calls individuals.  Rather, He simply commands us to follow His instructions.  He calls us to trust Him to provide the manna along the way, to open the seas, to give the sacrificial lamb.  So why is it that when things appear like they aren’t going to work out, I begin questioning His calling?  How many times have I prayed to be put in a place where I have to trust God to provide? But when I get into those times I waver and complain that He is not providing.  So many times this past couple of weeks I have stood at the edge of what I know and distrusted stepping out in faith that God will provide.  It is an ongoing lesson that I must learn.

 Lord, over and over and over again you show yourself faithful to provide.  You don’t show the whole path at once, but instead just ask for the next step.  It is so difficult to trust that you have everything taken care of, but you do!  You know where this trip to Mexico will lead, you know my next step and you are providing. This is such a little thing, this money to pay for this trip, and I was willing to step out even when it appeared like things wouldn’t fall into place.  You brought the call of Abraham to mind- “Leave and go to the land I will show you”.  Lord, I feel that call.  I don’t know where or how I will get there, but I trust you.  Show me… one step at a time!