Plans

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11

As I said earlier, the past couple months have really been difficult.  I've been questioning this calling God has put on my heart to love orphans.  And he has gently reminded me over and over that HE HAS A PLAN!  Not only a plan, an AMAZING plan.  One that does not end here.  It does not stop because I've finished my commitment with at this job.  Instead, he has something more for me.  I wish I knew what it was at this moment.  It feels like I am stumbling around in the dark, trying to figure out what is next.  But it isn't about what is next, it is about what is right now.  The kid that is walking in the door in tears because she had a rough day and the little boy I tuck in at night and pray with because he has bad dreams.  It is so easy to lose sight on what is in front of me because I am so busy figuring out what is next!  So, I'm trusting God, one day at a time. It is hard, especially when the days are long and the people around me are not so nice.

Beginnings

When I was driving out to Texas I was a nervous wreck.  God had called me to move to a place where I knew no one, to a work that was difficult and often lonely.  I was scared.  He took me to Joshua 1:9 and reminded me of a promise he made to those he called out of their homes to adventure.

            “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be                       discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

It is here that I return when I doubt his plan. I am reminded over and over again that he has an AMAZING plan for me.  One that is full of adventure.  It takes me to the edge of all I know and pushes me to trust HIM alone. This is often a scary place to be.  It is not comfortable, easy, or pretty.  It is painful, but beautiful.  The risk is worth it!

When I came to Texas I was full of myself.  I thought I would change the world.  And I learned very quickly that the calling God had put on my heart to love the orphans, was painful.  These kids have been abandoned by the ones they love. There is little left in their heart to love someone else.  It is not an easy fix.  Loving them meant getting down in the mess of their lives and withstanding their anger.  It meant waiting through the months, years of their resistance, to tell them that they are LOVED, and having them actually believe it.  This work is like planting seeds in hard dirt, watering and working that dirt until God softens it.  It has taught me of the RELENTLESS love God has for me.  It is unconditional. It defies the status quo.  And I now truly understand what it means when Jesus talks about leaving the many for the sake of the one!  It is in those moments when we leave everything else and pursue that one unlovable, defiant one that God’s grace is shown most clearly.    

So, I sit here, wanting to share the story of God’s plan for my life.  That is the purpose of this blog: to tell the story of God in my life.   It is a reminder to you and to me that this journey is indeed worth it.  Those late nights, lonely days and all the moments in between are worth that one conversation when I can share God’s love with my kiddo.  So my response to God’s promise-

          “Whatever you have commanded me I will do, and wherever you send me I will go."

                                                                                                                -Joshua 1:16