Broken promises, broken hearts

I've learned something along this journey in orphan care.

Everyone has family.

even orphans.

Seems like common sense, but I always thought orphans are like Annie- kids who had parents, but has never known them.  But everyone has some family.
(I learned this quite a while ago, but am reminded of it every day).

Traveling to Mexico reminded me that my kids are orphans too.  See, these kids have families.  Each one of them has a mom, or dad, or grandparent, or some relative along the way.  But for various reasons they still end up at a children's home.  Sometimes they are able to eventually go home, sometimes they stay here until they move out on their own.  But each one has heartbreaks along the way.

In the past two days I've been on the forefront of those tears and it tears my heart open for them.

The first is Thelma (name changed).  She arrived a couple of months before I did, but I've known her longer and worked with her longer than anyone else.  Thelma has endured so much and was passed around to a couple of different relatives before ending up at this children's home.  Last year her mom relapsed into alcohol addiction, right as Thelma was planning to go home.  Things got progressively worse until a several weeks ago the mom was put in rehab by the state.  Thelma has not spoken to her since.  Mom has not called.  Stepdad has not called. No one has called to tell Thelma how her mom is.  In a couple of weeks Thelma will turn 18.  She has two more years of school before she graduates.  I pray that she will stick it out here and make it.  Last night she sat in my office crying because she was so worried about her mom and no one would answer her calls.

The second is Sue (name changed).  Sue came a little over two years.  She was expecting to go home this summer, but was told no by her family.  See, dad and mom don't want her and Grandma can't take care of her.  Sue seeks her father's affection every chance she gets.  She usually returns home from her family visits in tears because her dad doesn't want anything to do with her- but she always hopes.  Today she got a call from her Grandma.  Sue's dad was arrested for drug possession... again... two weeks before Sue's birthday... a week before family visit... and he had promised to be there this year... again. Another letdown.  Another broken promise and broken heart.

I don't have words for these two precious girls. All I could do is hug them through the tears and pray for them.  I don't understand how this happens.  How can families not want their children?  It reminds me yet again why I am here.  God gave me a heart for them.  I'm not sure why, but he has.  It is so easy to get lost in the paperwork, licensing, mundane parts of this job that I forget the ministry side of it.  I am His hands and feet to these kids.  Life is not easy here.  There is so much pain and heartache. I wonder sometimes if I am making a difference, but it is like farming- the work is hard, long, painful, but eventually God makes it grow and fruit develops.

Lord, these kids are yours.  You know their hearts tonight.  You know their aches and tears. You. save those tears. Tonight as they sleep, wrap them up in your arms. Surround their beds with angels tonight.  Put their hearts at peace.  Show them a little bit of your plan for them.  Give them hope.  Whisper of your love to them.   Provide for them, and heal their broken hearts.  Pursue them.  Bind Satan from attacking them.  Lord- these are your kids and you promise to protect them.  Lord, they need you.

God's Promise is as true today as it was the day he said it!

God's promises to the orphan child:

I promise to defend you. Psalm 82:3
I promise to rescue you. Psalm 82:4
I promise to deliver you. Psalm 82:4
I promise to come to you. John 14:8
I promise to hear you.  Isaiah 37:17, Exodus 22:22-23
I promise never to leave you. Jeremiah 49:11, Psalm 27:10
I promise to lift you up. Psalm 113:7
I promise to lead you out. John 10:3
I promise to be your Father.  Psalm 6:5:8
I promise to give you a home. Psalm 68:6
I promise never to forget you.  Isaiah 49:15
I promise to execute mercy toward you. Hosea 14:3, Isaiah 63:9, Romans 9:15
I promise to execute true justice on your behalf.  Psalm 140:12
I promise to provide food and clothing to you.  Dueteronomy 10:18, 14:29
I promise to help you.  Psalm 10:14
I promise to maintain your cause.  Psalm 82:3


Lord, 
I'm struggling to trust you to provide this for the kids I work with.  You have shown yourself faithful every day, but still I doubt.  Lord, overcome my doubt.  Bring the couple you have for these kids into their lives.  Show yourself faithful again.  You are mighty and you can see the big picture and you see every stage and every purpose.  Father, YOU HAVE A PLAN!  Lord, you are so much bigger than I.  It is YOU that take care of these kids.  Show up again. Provide for them.  Lord, follow through with your promises for them.  Be their father, be their provider, their helper, their protector.  Satan is attacking.  He is vicious and seeks to devour these young and vulnerable kids. Lord I claim those promises on their behalf.  You have made this commitment to them- so fulfill it!  Surround this house with your angels.  Protect them.  Tonight as they sleep whisper your promises into their hearts.  There is so much damage and hurt in their lives, they have walls built up trying to protect themselves from more pain.  Lord, restore them.  Make them into the men and women you created them to be!  Father, use me however you can.  Let me be the hands and feet to your promise to them. 

It's the little things...

It's the little things that make me happy....

It's the cup of coffee in the morning before everyone gets up. 

It's getting up to see the sunrise with a friend.

It's the history with friends.

It's finding a new giraffe in the mall. 

And splurging on a piece of dark chocolate...

Happiness is seeing the baby cows at the dairy farm down the road.

and daisies in my bathroom.

It's the Texas sunset, 

and the Flea Market find

Happiness is seeing the value in small things.  It's taking the time to enjoy the little moments of life, for those little moments will add up to the days, months, and years of life!  

The Flipside

  This previous week was beyond what I can describe.  In comparison it was an oasis in the desert, it was a drink of water on a hot day, it was like discovering a little piece of heaven on earth.  There were definitely times that were not fun about it, but I discovered something while I was there.  This will probably be a long post and I will go in layers- from what we did, to what I saw, to how God shifted my life a little bit.

Monterrey is surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges. 

First- What was Mexico like?
Honestly, it was a lot like here, they had Chili's, and Walmart, Sam's, and my favorite grocery store- H.E.B (it stands for Here Everything is Better... and it is.) The people are friendly and open- even if you can't speak a whole lot of Spanish.  It was hot during the day, but cooled off a bit at night.  Buildings are usually made out of concrete blocks and sealed to keep coolness in.  Very Few places actually have air conditioning, so we sweated a LOT!  BUT it is also a third world country. There is a big difference between the haves and the have nots.  There is a huge sex trade traffic running in and out of Mexico. The poor live in what they call squaters' villages.  Their homes are made out of whatever they can find, from concrete blocks (for a nice house) to cardboard. These villages are all over the outskirts of the city.  They are the marginalized members of society and where the forefront of the care for orphans lie.

Second- What was Back2Back like?

This was the girls bedroom at one of the homes. 

This ministry was refreshing to my soul.  There is a a community of believers who live on a compound just outside the city of Monterrey.  They have identified childrens' homes throughout the city and the surrounding area who are already DOING the work of orphan care.  Rather than coming in and starting their own home, they have worked to support those who are already doing it.  They do building projects throughout the summer and during the year to provide playgrounds, bathrooms, storage rooms, libraries, computer rooms, and anything that children's home needs. That was the first avenue of their ministry 13 years ago.  They about 8 or 9 years ago they began to grow again- see in Mexico public education ends at 8th grade.  After that the kids are put out on the streets and required to fend for themselves.  To break this cycle and change family lines Back2Back opened a home on their compound to offer a high school and college education to the children in the homes they work.  For those who work in the field know that this is practically unheard of in the orphan care world, it is expensive and requires huge risk on an investment standpoint, BUT it changes lives.  Back2Back believes wholeheartedly in going a mile deep, not a mile wide.  They are growing, but going deeper into the communities they serve.  After that college program was established and running, Back2Back grew again, this time to work in the squaters' villages.  See, those villages are where the orphans come from.  That is also where the majority of girls who are sold into the sex trade originate.  To make another change in family lines, Back2Back knew they needed to start at the forefront of the issue, with the family.  So they located three villages around Monterrey where they could partner with a local pastor to empower him to do the ministry God already called him to.  This allows him to be the front-runner in the community and with the support of Back2Back he is able to provide meals for the members of the community, he is able to build his church and work in the community to minister to those families.

Thirdly- What did I do?

This was our Ragamuffin team! 

That is a great question- A friend of mine, Katie, and I were able to fly down the day before we were supposed to meet up with the ministry.  We took a cab into downtown and stayed at a hotel in the city.  During the afternoon we were able to walk around, see some museums, see some of the city and eat some delicious mexican food. The next day we arrived to the airport and met up with the rest of our team.  See, we were put into the ragamuffin team of small pairs and a small group from all across the country.  Throughout the week we drew closer together as we served together.  So the first day was really spent just settling into the site and meeting people.  The next three days after that we spent at different childrens' homes working on construction projects they had assigned for our group.  We did yard work, a lot of cleaning, organizing storage rooms, painting, and building.  I learned how to make concrete by hand on the sidewalk, and machete  weeds to clear a path.  The picture that stuck out to me the most was picking up broken tile from the garbage area at one of the children's homes.  See, they wanted to clear the way for a concrete pad to put the garbage cans on- one that could be cleaned easily and would look neater than the heap they had.  In order to do that, these broken pieces of tile had to be cleared out.  As I worked under the hot sun I kept thinking that that job was a lot like ministry- it is working in the midst of the world's garbage, picking up the pieces that no one wants to pave way for something better- it is tiresome, stinky, but needed and valuable.  Eventually we finished all those tasks and were able to do some projects with the kids.  In the squaters' village we were able to provide a meal to the community.  (I got the job of cooking the 300 hotdogs for everyone. I wish I had taken a picture of this grill I used.  It was on the roof of the church and the base was made out of the concrete blocks with a piece of metal roofing.  On top of that the fire was built and then using some more concrete blocks a rack was put over the fire.  In 100 degree heat I spent a couple of hours cooking hot dogs for the women and children in the village.  The last full day we were in Mexico we took some kids from two of the homes and went to Plaza Sesamo- a Seaseme Street Waterpark. We were paired up with a kid and spent the day learning about them and playing.  It was a lot of fun!

Fourthly- How did God shift me?
Do you ever get this sense that something is not quite right- like there is something more that you are missing, but you don't know quite what it is?  That has been me the past several months, probably the past year or so. I keep getting this whiff of something else and I can't quite ever figure out what it is that I am missing.  That desire has been steadily growing in my heart until I had to act on it- I had to seek that something. Here's what I knew for certain-

Betty, the girl I got to spend the day with!

1. God has given me a heart for the orphan child.
2. He is constantly preparing me for the next step- He is slow and patient with me moving me from one thing to the next, each step preparing me for the one after that.  I love taking the time to look back and see how God has worked and brought me to where I am today.  He has a PLAN!

So knowing those two things I began seeking- and that led to this trip.  I went to Mexico to learn about the ministry, and hopefully to connect to the staff there.  Sure enough, that is exactly what happened.  I fell in love with the ministry.  What they are doing is exactly my heart.  And throughout the week word spread that Katie and I were from a children's home in the states.  Houseparents came up to us to talk.  We were able to go to breakfast with some of the supervisors of their college program and talk about our work.  It was a great connection.  And paved the way for the next step.
As I am back at home, I am encouraged to continue working with my kids now, to pray for them, to love on them, and to walk life with them, but I am also seeking the next step.  The connection with this home in Mexico was strong- I am hoping to get back down there later on this year.  The staff we had breakfast with that morning is looking to come visit Boys and Girls Country as well.  I am also praying about going down there for a month next summer as an intern.  It would provide a closer look at the ministry and further a relationship with that organization.
In some ways it seems as though these are big changes all at once.  But in reality they are the fruit of months of prayer and the work of God in my heart.  Please be praying for me as I continue to grow and change over the course of this journey.

Sunrise on the mountain range.  Each morning I got up early and had coffee while watching this amazing sunrise!

Mexico bound...

A couple of months ago I began searching for a place to serve.  My heart is definitely created to love orphans and care for them.  That is what brought me to Texas to Boys and Girls Country.  And now after three years I am ready for a global perspective.  My world has become the fence line at the edge of our property and I long to see the world beyond the gates.  To see God working in the rest of the world.  So, in searching I came across a ministry in Mexico.  They work with local orphanages to meet their physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial needs to keep the homes running.  They are the hands and feet of God in their community.  On Friday morning, I will board a plane to head to Monterrey, Mexico and for the following week I will serve however they need.  If it is cleaning toilets, that is what I will do, if it is playing soccer with the kids, that is what I will do. My hope in all this is to get to know the ministry.  To meet those working there, to possibly build relationships with them and go back again and ultimately, see God outside of my little world.