I saw a train today.
The first since David's death last week.
 It hit me deeper than I thought it would.
I couldn't help but picture him laying there.
 It broke my heart again.

December seventh of this year my stepbrother decided that life was too much to bear.  He said his goodbyes and laid across the railroad tracks near his apartment.  Shortly after a train came and David's life was over.

When my sister called I did not believe her.
  Part of me still believes that he is just off doing something else and I'll see him the next time I go home.
Denial is such a comfortable place to be.
 And it is easy when you are a thousand miles away from home.
But realization slowly hits.  And with it comes the grief for a life lost.

Cardinals are rare in Texas.  They are beautiful  and I love spying their bright red in the trees.
Yesterday I saw one laying on the road.
It had been hit by a car and died.
And I immediately thought of David.

One of the kids I know on Facebook posted about running in front of a moving train.
 And I thought of David in front of the train.  

I am glad that God understands the pain of my heart.  He knows the groans that words cannot express.  He knows the pain and feels it.  And he turns those groans and that pain into something beautiful.  I am clinging to that.

                                     David Fraccalvieri