It's the little things...

It's the little things that make me happy....

It's the cup of coffee in the morning before everyone gets up. 

It's getting up to see the sunrise with a friend.

It's the history with friends.

It's finding a new giraffe in the mall. 

And splurging on a piece of dark chocolate...

Happiness is seeing the baby cows at the dairy farm down the road.

and daisies in my bathroom.

It's the Texas sunset, 

and the Flea Market find

Happiness is seeing the value in small things.  It's taking the time to enjoy the little moments of life, for those little moments will add up to the days, months, and years of life!  

The Flipside

  This previous week was beyond what I can describe.  In comparison it was an oasis in the desert, it was a drink of water on a hot day, it was like discovering a little piece of heaven on earth.  There were definitely times that were not fun about it, but I discovered something while I was there.  This will probably be a long post and I will go in layers- from what we did, to what I saw, to how God shifted my life a little bit.

Monterrey is surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges. 

First- What was Mexico like?
Honestly, it was a lot like here, they had Chili's, and Walmart, Sam's, and my favorite grocery store- H.E.B (it stands for Here Everything is Better... and it is.) The people are friendly and open- even if you can't speak a whole lot of Spanish.  It was hot during the day, but cooled off a bit at night.  Buildings are usually made out of concrete blocks and sealed to keep coolness in.  Very Few places actually have air conditioning, so we sweated a LOT!  BUT it is also a third world country. There is a big difference between the haves and the have nots.  There is a huge sex trade traffic running in and out of Mexico. The poor live in what they call squaters' villages.  Their homes are made out of whatever they can find, from concrete blocks (for a nice house) to cardboard. These villages are all over the outskirts of the city.  They are the marginalized members of society and where the forefront of the care for orphans lie.

Second- What was Back2Back like?

This was the girls bedroom at one of the homes. 

This ministry was refreshing to my soul.  There is a a community of believers who live on a compound just outside the city of Monterrey.  They have identified childrens' homes throughout the city and the surrounding area who are already DOING the work of orphan care.  Rather than coming in and starting their own home, they have worked to support those who are already doing it.  They do building projects throughout the summer and during the year to provide playgrounds, bathrooms, storage rooms, libraries, computer rooms, and anything that children's home needs. That was the first avenue of their ministry 13 years ago.  They about 8 or 9 years ago they began to grow again- see in Mexico public education ends at 8th grade.  After that the kids are put out on the streets and required to fend for themselves.  To break this cycle and change family lines Back2Back opened a home on their compound to offer a high school and college education to the children in the homes they work.  For those who work in the field know that this is practically unheard of in the orphan care world, it is expensive and requires huge risk on an investment standpoint, BUT it changes lives.  Back2Back believes wholeheartedly in going a mile deep, not a mile wide.  They are growing, but going deeper into the communities they serve.  After that college program was established and running, Back2Back grew again, this time to work in the squaters' villages.  See, those villages are where the orphans come from.  That is also where the majority of girls who are sold into the sex trade originate.  To make another change in family lines, Back2Back knew they needed to start at the forefront of the issue, with the family.  So they located three villages around Monterrey where they could partner with a local pastor to empower him to do the ministry God already called him to.  This allows him to be the front-runner in the community and with the support of Back2Back he is able to provide meals for the members of the community, he is able to build his church and work in the community to minister to those families.

Thirdly- What did I do?

This was our Ragamuffin team! 

That is a great question- A friend of mine, Katie, and I were able to fly down the day before we were supposed to meet up with the ministry.  We took a cab into downtown and stayed at a hotel in the city.  During the afternoon we were able to walk around, see some museums, see some of the city and eat some delicious mexican food. The next day we arrived to the airport and met up with the rest of our team.  See, we were put into the ragamuffin team of small pairs and a small group from all across the country.  Throughout the week we drew closer together as we served together.  So the first day was really spent just settling into the site and meeting people.  The next three days after that we spent at different childrens' homes working on construction projects they had assigned for our group.  We did yard work, a lot of cleaning, organizing storage rooms, painting, and building.  I learned how to make concrete by hand on the sidewalk, and machete  weeds to clear a path.  The picture that stuck out to me the most was picking up broken tile from the garbage area at one of the children's homes.  See, they wanted to clear the way for a concrete pad to put the garbage cans on- one that could be cleaned easily and would look neater than the heap they had.  In order to do that, these broken pieces of tile had to be cleared out.  As I worked under the hot sun I kept thinking that that job was a lot like ministry- it is working in the midst of the world's garbage, picking up the pieces that no one wants to pave way for something better- it is tiresome, stinky, but needed and valuable.  Eventually we finished all those tasks and were able to do some projects with the kids.  In the squaters' village we were able to provide a meal to the community.  (I got the job of cooking the 300 hotdogs for everyone. I wish I had taken a picture of this grill I used.  It was on the roof of the church and the base was made out of the concrete blocks with a piece of metal roofing.  On top of that the fire was built and then using some more concrete blocks a rack was put over the fire.  In 100 degree heat I spent a couple of hours cooking hot dogs for the women and children in the village.  The last full day we were in Mexico we took some kids from two of the homes and went to Plaza Sesamo- a Seaseme Street Waterpark. We were paired up with a kid and spent the day learning about them and playing.  It was a lot of fun!

Fourthly- How did God shift me?
Do you ever get this sense that something is not quite right- like there is something more that you are missing, but you don't know quite what it is?  That has been me the past several months, probably the past year or so. I keep getting this whiff of something else and I can't quite ever figure out what it is that I am missing.  That desire has been steadily growing in my heart until I had to act on it- I had to seek that something. Here's what I knew for certain-

Betty, the girl I got to spend the day with!

1. God has given me a heart for the orphan child.
2. He is constantly preparing me for the next step- He is slow and patient with me moving me from one thing to the next, each step preparing me for the one after that.  I love taking the time to look back and see how God has worked and brought me to where I am today.  He has a PLAN!

So knowing those two things I began seeking- and that led to this trip.  I went to Mexico to learn about the ministry, and hopefully to connect to the staff there.  Sure enough, that is exactly what happened.  I fell in love with the ministry.  What they are doing is exactly my heart.  And throughout the week word spread that Katie and I were from a children's home in the states.  Houseparents came up to us to talk.  We were able to go to breakfast with some of the supervisors of their college program and talk about our work.  It was a great connection.  And paved the way for the next step.
As I am back at home, I am encouraged to continue working with my kids now, to pray for them, to love on them, and to walk life with them, but I am also seeking the next step.  The connection with this home in Mexico was strong- I am hoping to get back down there later on this year.  The staff we had breakfast with that morning is looking to come visit Boys and Girls Country as well.  I am also praying about going down there for a month next summer as an intern.  It would provide a closer look at the ministry and further a relationship with that organization.
In some ways it seems as though these are big changes all at once.  But in reality they are the fruit of months of prayer and the work of God in my heart.  Please be praying for me as I continue to grow and change over the course of this journey.

Sunrise on the mountain range.  Each morning I got up early and had coffee while watching this amazing sunrise!

Mexico bound...

A couple of months ago I began searching for a place to serve.  My heart is definitely created to love orphans and care for them.  That is what brought me to Texas to Boys and Girls Country.  And now after three years I am ready for a global perspective.  My world has become the fence line at the edge of our property and I long to see the world beyond the gates.  To see God working in the rest of the world.  So, in searching I came across a ministry in Mexico.  They work with local orphanages to meet their physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial needs to keep the homes running.  They are the hands and feet of God in their community.  On Friday morning, I will board a plane to head to Monterrey, Mexico and for the following week I will serve however they need.  If it is cleaning toilets, that is what I will do, if it is playing soccer with the kids, that is what I will do. My hope in all this is to get to know the ministry.  To meet those working there, to possibly build relationships with them and go back again and ultimately, see God outside of my little world.      

Crashing waves

Some days it feels like I am standing on the beach getting hit by wave after wave.  This work is hard. The kids are hard, their pain is hard, the schedule is hard, the relationships are hard, this ministry is hard.  And once again, a wave hits.  Another couple I work with is moving on.  It is for the best, it really is. BUT it is hard. I am left picking up the pieces of my kids.  And it breaks my heart.  So in the course of the past six months the entire staff in one house has completely changed- TWICE, and now the second house I work in will have a new couple coming in.  The kids always ask the same question- "Are you leaving too, Miss Heidi?"  And my response is the same, "one day, but not today."  I dread the I too move on.  And with each person coming and going in their lives it makes me dig my heels in and stick it out another day.  

But, you know, in the midst of it all I am more sure than ever that I want to do this work.  It is hard, it is painful, frustrating, and makes me want to run away some days, but these kids need someone to be fighting for them. They need someone loving them.  And I am not the end, but I am the arms and feet of God who is loving them through me.  Most days, it isn't me that is loving them (honestly, some days I don't even really like them!) BUT He does.  And he knows exactly who they need and what they need.  

Lord, these children are yours.  Take care of them.  

His calling

When God called Abraham He said, “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.” (Genesis 12:1).  When He tested Abraham, He simply told Abraham to “Take your son, your only son… and sacrifice him there…” (Genesis 22:2).  When He freed the Isrealites from Egypt He said, “I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.” (Genesis 6:6) When He called Joshua to lead the Isrealites into the land of Canaan He said, “Get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them- to the Israelites.” (Joshua 1:2)  When God called Mary to mother Jesus He said, “You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.” (Luke 1:31) When Jesus called His disciples, he simply said, “Follow me.” (Luke 5:10, 5:27)   

God never tells of HOW He is going to do something when He first calls individuals.  Rather, He simply commands us to follow His instructions.  He calls us to trust Him to provide the manna along the way, to open the seas, to give the sacrificial lamb.  So why is it that when things appear like they aren’t going to work out, I begin questioning His calling?  How many times have I prayed to be put in a place where I have to trust God to provide? But when I get into those times I waver and complain that He is not providing.  So many times this past couple of weeks I have stood at the edge of what I know and distrusted stepping out in faith that God will provide.  It is an ongoing lesson that I must learn.

 Lord, over and over and over again you show yourself faithful to provide.  You don’t show the whole path at once, but instead just ask for the next step.  It is so difficult to trust that you have everything taken care of, but you do!  You know where this trip to Mexico will lead, you know my next step and you are providing. This is such a little thing, this money to pay for this trip, and I was willing to step out even when it appeared like things wouldn’t fall into place.  You brought the call of Abraham to mind- “Leave and go to the land I will show you”.  Lord, I feel that call.  I don’t know where or how I will get there, but I trust you.  Show me… one step at a time!

Trust

What does this mean?  What does it look like?  How do I live it out?

Webster defines trust as: 

1   a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

b : one in which confidence is placed

2

a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

                                                    (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust)

Trust means resting in the knowledge that God will meet all my needs.  It means not worrying, not being consumed by the thought that he will not provide.  It means going where he says.  But what if he calls you to go somewhere where it doesn’t APPEAR like he will take care of you?  What if all the signs say that he is not in the midst?  What if you go where he calls and it seems that he is not part of it?  What if the money does not come in? What if you have to lay your desires and whole life on the altar?  What if he waits until the last minute to show up?  Did I not want to be in that place?  The place that God has to show up?  How many times have I prayed for that?  But it is one thing to think you want it, to say you want to trust God completely, it is something else to DO it- to rely on him. 

Lord, overcome my unbelief.  I want to trust you.  I really do, but it is hard.  What if the money does not come in?  What if the refrigerator is empty?  What if you don’t show up? I keep thinking of the stories in the Old Testament, of when you told Abraham to put Isaac on the altar. Lord, it wasn't until the last possible minute that you showed up. Isaac was on the altar, knife in the air, and then you provided the lamb. Wow.  Lord, I know you can do all things- that you have a plan when I can’t see it, that you will provide when I don’t feel it.  I am afraid, Lord.  I struggle to trust you.  My faith is so small.  Lord, be bigger than my weakness.  Show your strength in spite of me.  

The Lighthouse

A lighthouse is a fortress built to withstand intense wind, waves and other forces of nature. It is a strong tower with a powerful light designed to guide lost sailors away from danger and to safe harbor.  It represents hope, safety, help, and shelter.  Lighthouse keepers are a different breed; they are strong, relentless, servants.  They put themselves in harm’s way to save others.

I am a lighthouse keeper. I withstand the storms of anger and share a light that guides others to safe harbor. I must be relentless when it comes to serving my kids.  It often feels like I am withstanding hurricanes of attack and this week was no exception.  This week a coworker of mine told our kids that he was leaving to take another job.  Tears started rolling down some cheeks. I knew it was going to be a long month as the kids dealt with this loss.   One of the kids asked if he could call me “mom”.  Another started crying when I went in to pray with him that night and asked me why everyone was leaving him.  And another called me all sorts of names and told me to just go ahead and leave since everyone else was.  He wasn’t ever able to open up and say that he was afraid I would leave; instead, he wanted to make me leave by being a jerk.  These boys I work with- most of them are new, it is their first houseparent to leave.  They don’t know how to react- so their pain reveals itself in angry storms of emotions.

So I stand firm. I withstand the battering of name-calling. I offer hugs and tissues to the tears that flow. I continue to shine the light towards the safety of the ROCK. I point the kids to the one who will never leave or forsake them. And I continue to hold fast to my own fortress.  I will seek my Strong Tower, for He provides the strength to get up another day.   

Lord, these days are tough.   But You have a plan.  Father, show yourself true. Guide these precious children to your safe harbor.  Be my strong tower as I try to do what you called me to do.  Shine brightly through me.  Open the doors for conversations about you.  Open the hearts of these kids to see you.  Please be my strength for the attacks of anger.  Overflow my heart with your grace and love for these kids. Give me the resilience to get up another day and serve you. Thank you, Lord, for setting me apart for this job.  Lord, you are precious. I love you!